The Consequences of Speaking Your Truth
When I renovated and restarted this blog, I committed myself to not holding anything back: if I feel the need to reflect and write on a topic or period of time in my life, then I will do just that.
It’s more important that I tell my stories and offer others the lessons I’ve learned than it is to worry about peoples’ opinions of me and potential backlash — which typically includes the opinions of or backlash from those I write about in said stories.
For those who have read some of my previous posts, you already know that I don’t give myself an easy pass. I may point out the wrongs committed against me, but I’m willing to see and admit to the wrongs I’ve committed against others as well.
Whether I paint someone in beautiful hues or foul shades of color, I’m simply speaking my opinions of, or experiences with, a person: how they affected me and how I moved on and grew from each encounter.
Everyone’s names are edited, but that doesn’t prevent those who are close to me from knowing who I’m talking about. It’s not my intention to turn anyone against a person in a story; others’ experiences of that person may be completely different from mine.
But if someone relates to my experience with a specific person and chooses to remove them from their life as well, that is their choice.
I tell these stories because I love to write and this kind of reflection is healing.
And while these stories are my own, they will likely relate to other peoples’ crazy happenings in life. If telling of my past endeavors can help others through their present struggles, it makes my own previous struggles and dreadfully-earned wisdom all the more meaningful.
Still, it is my truth. Take it or leave it. But remember…
The truth will always reveal itself one way or another. Whether or not someone opens their eyes enough to see it is completely up to them.
I’m not an amateur at self reflection, it’s been a hobby of mine for several years now — but this new quest to openly talk about my discoveries and recount lessons learned from the villains of my life…is something I’m still learning to navigate.
Recently I happened upon an unfortunate but totally expected aftereffect of it: when you call your villains out on their pernicious behaviors, they will do everything in their power to intensify the gaslighting and try scaring you into backing down.
Yet that is the only reaction they know. Because anything beyond defensive aggression, anything that might require them to look within themselves and change, would be much too difficult and agonizing.
“The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.”
As I painstakingly free myself from the miserable truths of my past by facing and working through them, most who have helped to cause such pain remain obliviously stuck in their grimy bubbles of misery; some have tried to suck me into that bubble with ruthless attacks and falsities; thankfully most of them have merely faded.
I accept that I may be wrong at times, and I’m open to being called out if that’s the case. There is no truth about myself that I’m not willing to face, accept, and work to change if necessary — as long as it’s the truth and not an attempt at gaslighting.
I’m well aware of the differences these days.
Photo by EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA from Pexels
So far on this journey I’ve learned there are two main consequences of being vulnerable about your most painful, eye-opening experiences or baring any hideous flaws that you see in yourself and others…
Amity:
Your vulnerability and honesty allow other people to relate to you. Whether it’s about a similar experience they’ve gone through, or the same person or identical type of person hurting them, it opens others up to seeing and finally meeting their own personal truths.
It marks the beginning to — or another huge step in — their own journey of healing and self development. You both feel a greater sense of understanding and camaraderie, knowing you’re no longer stranded with your uncomfortable and isolating feelings.
I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for others bravely putting their own stories out there for the world to see and learn from — or criticize. They too have undoubtedly stepped on a few toes along the way (it’s bound to happen) which leads to the second consequence of speaking your truth.
Enmity:
Exposing an ugly truth about someone else and how they negatively affected you seems to invite that person to further continue their vicious attacks on you.
While you may have come to feel indifferent toward the person, they suddenly feel like you’ve become their arch nemesis and may seek to harm you. This only reinforces your unfavorable opinions of them and continues to shed a light on their cruel behaviors.
Although you may have temporarily caused some additional friction, it doesn’t mean you were wrong to come forth with the truth. Guilty parties will always curse those who aided the process of convicting them of their crimes; it doesn’t make their crimes any less crooked.
Luckily my journey as The Candid Crook has been mostly positive and I plan to keep pushing through.
I’ve felt more of a sense of amity with the many who have read my stories and reached out, and less a sense of enmity with the few who were horribly enraged by my candor.
“The truth will withstand scrutiny, but a lie, no matter how skillfully crafted, will wilt and wither under the intense heat of an inspection.”
So I persist.
Here’s to writing more candid stories of this crooked life! And if you don’t like them, don’t read them — simple as that.
